"it" just moved
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
