my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
