i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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