im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
