I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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