i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
