We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
