I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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