What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
