I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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