she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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