You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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