come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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