just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
