But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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