At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
