If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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