I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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