Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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