Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
