I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
