oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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