It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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