"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
