Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
