I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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