You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
