he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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