i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
