I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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