I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
