There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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