she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
