I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
