we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
