i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
