I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
