Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
