Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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