I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
