please come you make the beer taste better
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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