god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
