How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
