Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
