Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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