it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
