The beer is more important than you right now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
