just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
