somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
