Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
