did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
