I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
