So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
