I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
