Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
