is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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